Midnight in Paris (Woody Allen, 2011)

I don't often fall asleep during films but with this one I did.

Could it be the lack of chemistry between... everyone?

Could it... zzzzz

The Closer S07E11

"Oh look, The Closer's back from hiatus."

"I'd rather douse my genitals in a flammable liquid and set it alight with a road flare."

"Jesus, I was just saying -"

"'M jus' sayin', too, yo."

Killer Elite (Gary McKendry/Matt Sherring, 2011)

ME: What the FUCK is De Niro doing in [this] pulpy '80s throwback?

SMS-A-FRIEND: He's doing everything and anything. Can't remember the last good film he did.

ME: Why Bobby WHHHYYYYY?

Daredevil - Director's Cut (Mark Steven Johnston, 2003)

I first watched this wretched film at the theatres and FUCK was I
disappointed.

I had expected a flying brick, and I got a flying brick, albeit clad in
red leather.

I had heard rumours that the director's cut, a more mature creature than
the theatrical release, was more than forgivable.

So when it popped up on my feeds, I gave it a whirl.

Aaannd it's still a wretched, wretched, WRETCHED little turd of a film.

Yet writer-director Johnston somehow, inexplicably, got the "Preacher"
gig after this, Jesus H Christ on a fucking stick.

At least Ben got Jennifer out of it.

Downton Abbey S02

Ach that was fun.

But I can't help but wonder: does familiarity breed a suspicion of soap opera melodramatics?

Just saying.

Hidden S01E04

If "The Shadow Line" collapsed under the weight of its style, sheen and
operatic melodrama, "The Hidden" does the same, only with overfamiliar
devices, dialogue and plotting.

Shame on the writers for writing such piffle.

Shame on the director and producers for not demanding more from their
writers.

And my sympathy for actors - generally not my favourite homo sapiens -
for having to spout such rubbish.

Hidden S01E01 - Update

The promise and mystery and jigsaw-style storytelling of the opening
couple of minutes are ground down by repetitive, what's-my-name
dialogue, events that are so understated so as to be sleep-inducing, and
a lead character that transcends enigmatic into apathy.

Oh dear.

Oh poo.

Revenge S01E01 - Update

Okay: I'm hooked.

It's not the "sweet/sexy" lead.

It's not my on-again/off-again crush on Madeleine Stowe.

Nor is it my fascination with Henry Czerny who seems to be getting
YOUNGER since I first saw him in "Mission: Impossible" in '99.

I can do without the whispery/huskey little-girl-voice music.

It's genuinely INTERESTING. How's she gonna get her revenge?

She's off to a solid start with this ep, and if the IMDB FAQ is legit,
I'll get my jollies by season's end (so FUCK YOU Nina "'The Killing's
murderer will be revealed in the SECOND FUCKING SEASON" Sud) -

- but wait: aren't all writers liars?

Homeland S01E01 - Update

Okay. HERE's a couple of examples of good writing:

OUR HEROINE's a bit of a slut - and she's on drugs! - but she may be
onto something (though the hand thing is a little thin, knowhumsayin).

And OUR (MAYBE) VILLAIN is holding back - why?

WHY?

Gonna try me another ep now.

Revenge S01E01

One minute in: a voice-over. Fucking wonderful.

Two minutes in: Kubrickian-wannabe looks and glances. Yawn.

Five minutes in: why do I get the feeling this is going leading up to a --

Yep.

Six minutes in: title on screen - "FIVE MONTHS EARLIER".

Fuck's sake.

The Walking Dead S02E01

I'm unfaithful: I think I'll watch an ep because I can't wait for the
Other Half to finish her second season of "Downton Abbey".

Then a mere ten minutes into the season opener and my stomach's coiling
in on itself and I think: "I'd rather watch this with the Other Half."

Ringer S01E01

Not even ten minutes and there's a CUE MUSIC moment.

Oh Sarah.

We'll always have Sunnydale.

Breaking Bad S04E01-11

There's a good reason why we stockpile eps of this show: we'd find the
seven day gaps between fixes un-fucking-bearable.

We've watched two to three eps of this season these past consecutive
nights, with just two eps to go.

What a wonderful, exciting and suspenseful show!

Downton Abbey S02E04

An interesting abberation in this series where almost all the dialogue
was nakedly soapie. (I wonder/hope if those last two words will
increase traffic on this blog.) Could this be the beginning of the
reported dramatic decline in the series?

Homeland S01E01

Following on from "Hidden"'s opening teaser, "Homeland"'s first couple
of minutes were a little overshadowed by a blonde white chick sans
headscarf IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING POST-WAR IRAQ.

Maybe I'm being more than a trifle unfair as I have only had a chance to
watch the first couple of minutes.

Unless she's kidnapped/ambushed/vaporised in the following few yet
unseen minutes, I think this pilot's got a bit of a handicap.

Hidden S01E01

I've only watched the first couple of minutes, I have no idea what I've
just watched but IT'S FUCKING AWESOME.

But will it avoid "The Shadow Line"'s final preposterousness and "The
Hour"'s end-whimper?

Person of Interest (CBS, 2011)

The guy who played Jesus!

The guy from "Lost"!

From the co-writer of "Batman Begins"!

Guest starring the ex-wife from "Justified"!

How could it go wrong?

How about dialogue for narcoleptics?

How about plotting for dummies?

How about characters that... MOTHERFUCKSHITCOCKSUCKER.

You win some.

The Hour (BBC, 2011)

Accusations of "Mad Men"-knock-off are unavoidable but this mini-series
- renewed for 2012 - has mostly good writing, thankfully restrained
directing, and excellent acting to recommend it.

It was hard, I have to say, to accept that "The Wire"'s McNulty had
time-travelled back in time AND taken on a plummy accent, but after the
second episode, the foul-mouthed Baltimorean was forgotten in favour of
a silver-spoon-fed toff with a brain.

It ended with a bit of a - not so much a whimper - but an exhalation of
breath, not helped by a noticeably weak penultimate ep, but still, it
didn't fail as awfully as "The Shadow Line".

Yeah, I'll try another season.

Harry's Law S01E01

Got around to watching this the other day and... hey, I've been a huge
fan of Kathy Bates since "Misery", but this show feels so... try-hard.

Okay, I hated it.

But I considered watching the second ep just to see if I grew to like it
- or, maybe, it TONED THE FUCK DOWN or something - but then I noticed
that it's from David E Kelley, who gave this world the vomitously
self-righteous "The Practice", the insufferable "Ally McBeal", and
sickeningly successful "Boston Legal".

What the fuck was I thinking?

Oh, and look: it's been renewed for a second season. Yay.

The Good Wife - S03E01

The bitch is back.

Woot.