Midnight in Paris (Woody Allen, 2011)

I don't often fall asleep during films but with this one I did.

Could it be the lack of chemistry between... everyone?

Could it... zzzzz

The Closer S07E11

"Oh look, The Closer's back from hiatus."

"I'd rather douse my genitals in a flammable liquid and set it alight with a road flare."

"Jesus, I was just saying -"

"'M jus' sayin', too, yo."

Killer Elite (Gary McKendry/Matt Sherring, 2011)

ME: What the FUCK is De Niro doing in [this] pulpy '80s throwback?

SMS-A-FRIEND: He's doing everything and anything. Can't remember the last good film he did.

ME: Why Bobby WHHHYYYYY?

Daredevil - Director's Cut (Mark Steven Johnston, 2003)

I first watched this wretched film at the theatres and FUCK was I
disappointed.

I had expected a flying brick, and I got a flying brick, albeit clad in
red leather.

I had heard rumours that the director's cut, a more mature creature than
the theatrical release, was more than forgivable.

So when it popped up on my feeds, I gave it a whirl.

Aaannd it's still a wretched, wretched, WRETCHED little turd of a film.

Yet writer-director Johnston somehow, inexplicably, got the "Preacher"
gig after this, Jesus H Christ on a fucking stick.

At least Ben got Jennifer out of it.

Downton Abbey S02

Ach that was fun.

But I can't help but wonder: does familiarity breed a suspicion of soap opera melodramatics?

Just saying.

Hidden S01E04

If "The Shadow Line" collapsed under the weight of its style, sheen and
operatic melodrama, "The Hidden" does the same, only with overfamiliar
devices, dialogue and plotting.

Shame on the writers for writing such piffle.

Shame on the director and producers for not demanding more from their
writers.

And my sympathy for actors - generally not my favourite homo sapiens -
for having to spout such rubbish.

Hidden S01E01 - Update

The promise and mystery and jigsaw-style storytelling of the opening
couple of minutes are ground down by repetitive, what's-my-name
dialogue, events that are so understated so as to be sleep-inducing, and
a lead character that transcends enigmatic into apathy.

Oh dear.

Oh poo.

Revenge S01E01 - Update

Okay: I'm hooked.

It's not the "sweet/sexy" lead.

It's not my on-again/off-again crush on Madeleine Stowe.

Nor is it my fascination with Henry Czerny who seems to be getting
YOUNGER since I first saw him in "Mission: Impossible" in '99.

I can do without the whispery/huskey little-girl-voice music.

It's genuinely INTERESTING. How's she gonna get her revenge?

She's off to a solid start with this ep, and if the IMDB FAQ is legit,
I'll get my jollies by season's end (so FUCK YOU Nina "'The Killing's
murderer will be revealed in the SECOND FUCKING SEASON" Sud) -

- but wait: aren't all writers liars?

Homeland S01E01 - Update

Okay. HERE's a couple of examples of good writing:

OUR HEROINE's a bit of a slut - and she's on drugs! - but she may be
onto something (though the hand thing is a little thin, knowhumsayin).

And OUR (MAYBE) VILLAIN is holding back - why?

WHY?

Gonna try me another ep now.

Revenge S01E01

One minute in: a voice-over. Fucking wonderful.

Two minutes in: Kubrickian-wannabe looks and glances. Yawn.

Five minutes in: why do I get the feeling this is going leading up to a --

Yep.

Six minutes in: title on screen - "FIVE MONTHS EARLIER".

Fuck's sake.

The Walking Dead S02E01

I'm unfaithful: I think I'll watch an ep because I can't wait for the
Other Half to finish her second season of "Downton Abbey".

Then a mere ten minutes into the season opener and my stomach's coiling
in on itself and I think: "I'd rather watch this with the Other Half."

Ringer S01E01

Not even ten minutes and there's a CUE MUSIC moment.

Oh Sarah.

We'll always have Sunnydale.

Breaking Bad S04E01-11

There's a good reason why we stockpile eps of this show: we'd find the
seven day gaps between fixes un-fucking-bearable.

We've watched two to three eps of this season these past consecutive
nights, with just two eps to go.

What a wonderful, exciting and suspenseful show!

Downton Abbey S02E04

An interesting abberation in this series where almost all the dialogue
was nakedly soapie. (I wonder/hope if those last two words will
increase traffic on this blog.) Could this be the beginning of the
reported dramatic decline in the series?

Homeland S01E01

Following on from "Hidden"'s opening teaser, "Homeland"'s first couple
of minutes were a little overshadowed by a blonde white chick sans
headscarf IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING POST-WAR IRAQ.

Maybe I'm being more than a trifle unfair as I have only had a chance to
watch the first couple of minutes.

Unless she's kidnapped/ambushed/vaporised in the following few yet
unseen minutes, I think this pilot's got a bit of a handicap.

Hidden S01E01

I've only watched the first couple of minutes, I have no idea what I've
just watched but IT'S FUCKING AWESOME.

But will it avoid "The Shadow Line"'s final preposterousness and "The
Hour"'s end-whimper?

Person of Interest (CBS, 2011)

The guy who played Jesus!

The guy from "Lost"!

From the co-writer of "Batman Begins"!

Guest starring the ex-wife from "Justified"!

How could it go wrong?

How about dialogue for narcoleptics?

How about plotting for dummies?

How about characters that... MOTHERFUCKSHITCOCKSUCKER.

You win some.

The Hour (BBC, 2011)

Accusations of "Mad Men"-knock-off are unavoidable but this mini-series
- renewed for 2012 - has mostly good writing, thankfully restrained
directing, and excellent acting to recommend it.

It was hard, I have to say, to accept that "The Wire"'s McNulty had
time-travelled back in time AND taken on a plummy accent, but after the
second episode, the foul-mouthed Baltimorean was forgotten in favour of
a silver-spoon-fed toff with a brain.

It ended with a bit of a - not so much a whimper - but an exhalation of
breath, not helped by a noticeably weak penultimate ep, but still, it
didn't fail as awfully as "The Shadow Line".

Yeah, I'll try another season.

Harry's Law S01E01

Got around to watching this the other day and... hey, I've been a huge
fan of Kathy Bates since "Misery", but this show feels so... try-hard.

Okay, I hated it.

But I considered watching the second ep just to see if I grew to like it
- or, maybe, it TONED THE FUCK DOWN or something - but then I noticed
that it's from David E Kelley, who gave this world the vomitously
self-righteous "The Practice", the insufferable "Ally McBeal", and
sickeningly successful "Boston Legal".

What the fuck was I thinking?

Oh, and look: it's been renewed for a second season. Yay.

The Good Wife - S03E01

The bitch is back.

Woot.

Downton Abbey - S02E01

Never thought I'd be this excited about a frocks-and-socks kind of drama
but here I am.

Breaking Bad S04 - Update

Oh don't you worry, darlink, I'm up to date with this little puppy.

But I'm HOARDing it. Because it's precious.

And it's so so soooOOOooo good, that when I want to watch another ep, I
GODDAMN WILL watch another ep.

Unstoppable (Tony Scott/Mark Bomback, 2010)

Post-TINML, this Tony Scott migraine was bearable - and rather entertaining.

Almost, Allah forgive me, ENJOYable.

Fast Five (Justin Lin/Chris Morgan, 2011)

Post-TINML, "Fast Five" FUCKING ROCKED, BOYEEE.

This is Not My Life S01 - Final Word

I have to tell you something: TINML spoiled me.

Spoiled me something ROTTEN.

I had feast - a depraved and indifferent ORGY - of take-aways from that
show that when I sat down with some comfort telly of "Law & Order -
Season 6", I FUCKING CRIED.

HERE was television drama.

And it was made FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO.

This is Not My Life S01E12

There are only twelve eps in the season.

There are only twelve eps in the season.

There are only - MOTHERFUCKER, there are THIRTEEN eps in this
motherfucker, JESUS H FUCKING CHRIST.

This is Not My Life S01E08

Picture this:

ALEC, our hero, and JESSICA, his apparently fated lover, take advantage of a drop in security and are gunning for it down a rural road when they're forced to pull over by a faster-travelling van. As the van disappears in a cloud of dust:

JESSICA: So what now?

ALEC: We're down to half [a tank] - we've probably got enough to [head back]. Or -

They lock eyes.

JESSICA: No. We've come this far.

ALEC: ... Right.

Alec and Jessica resume their flight.

Yeah.

Right.

I've come this far.

The Almighty Johnsons S01E01-04

GAWD.

Alphas S01E02

Okay. The sheen of the new from the pilot has worn off now and it's
down to the brass tacks of pushing story, not leaving anyone behind, and
getting them to tune in next week.

I'm enjoying this show. The dialogue-for-dummies is a little hard on
the ear but the plotting and the characters are tune-in-next-week good.

And if you're wondering - I know you're not but I forgive you - about
the drop-off in posts, the New Zealand International Film Festival is on
right now, and even though I was tempted to get some of its good stuff
beforehand and not pay to play, the film fest needs our support, hoo-rah.

This is Not My Life (TV3, 2010)

A New Zillund sci fi drama.

With an unimaginative title.

Said title setting the tone for the kind of story telling you will get:
Exposition, exposition, fucking exposition.

Like my tortured and twisted dalliance with "The Cult" in 2009, I'm
watching this fucker to the bitter end because it's Good to Watch and Learn.

Breaking Bad S04

They're back.

YUSSS.

Engrenages S01E01

Wow. I'm hooked.

The procedural may be a bit slapdash but it's the relationships and the
chraracters that I'm hooked on.

Why do the boys in the police investigative team hate each other? Hint:
one of them's quite the incompetent.

What's with the prosecutor? Okay, he's separated from his wife, he's a
new law in town, and he knows a very rich friend. He's too pretty to be
taken seriously but I get the feeling - or hope, at least - that there's
more to him than meets the eye.

Let's see where this goes (even if I have read the Wiki entries on this
show).

The Closer - S07

I also know - hey, my memory ain't that bad (yet) - that I swore off
this tired and bedraggled puppy after the frankly terrible and tired
fifth and sixth seasons but... am I a bad person for wanting to know how
things end?

Or just a sucka?

Alphas - S01E01

David Strathairn is THE MAN.

And this show ain't half bad, either.

Sign me up.

Law & Order: UK - S05

I know I swore of this tawdry spin-off after the tedious S04 cliffhanger
but... former vet and Doctor, Peter Davison, is gonna be in it! No idea
who Dominic Rowan is.

How bad could it be?

Memphis Beat S01

Speaking of Lazarus-like second acts (qv Luther), THIS SHOW gets a second season?

W.

T.

F?

Hey, I have much love for Jason Lee, and much, MUCH love for Alfre Woodard (I've loved you since Passion Fish, Alfre), but a singing, geetar-playin' cop?  Hey, I know he was taking his axe with him on his beat but... this just didn't work for me.  At all.

And yet... S02.  I suppose I only gave it the pilot back in the day.  I could give the second, maybe even the third ep a go, too.  Suppose.  Could.  Maybe.

Persons Unknown (NBC, 2010)

I'm pretty sure when I watched this last year, it was getting pimped as the beginning of the new Lost.

Checking the Wikipedia entry tells me that it was a miniseries all along.

Is that as consistent as some of my posts which are post- and pre-dated because I, y'know, have a life?

Luther S01

Having seen that S02 is screening of this series, let me just say that I watched the pilot of this last year, thought I should give it another ep because I'd just come down from a second viewing of The Wire series (Stringer Bell, RIP, bro), watched the second ep, began to hate it, and didn't finish the third ep because it was bloody STUPID.

Come ON, bitch!

... And yet here we are with S02.

Case Histories S01

Eps 01-02 were brilliant. They captured the flavour of the book very
well. And it was enjoyed by both the Atkinson fan and the non-reader of
the house.
Eps 03-04 were merely average TV, a disappointment after the complex,
multi-threaded storytelling of the first two eps. Mediocre.
Eps 05-06 were better than the middle story of this mini-series, but not
as good - or as exquisitely complicated - as the first story. A bit too
simplified for even the non-reader of the series, it bookended the
introductory pilot really well, ending the series on a very nice note.
Next season, please.

Nurse Jackie S03E12

Has "Nurse Jackie" lost its puff?
Where the first season left us hanging with the impending collision of
her hospital and family lives, and the second season left us gawping at
her total denial about her addiction, the third season moves along like
a hospital-druggie "The Big Clock" only to turn into... 'It's not you -
it's me.'
Mmm. After the groaning disaster of "The Shadow Line" and the
frustrating end to "The Killing", this "Nurse Jackie" season finale may
be awfully low key but at least it was reasonably satisfying.

The Killing S01E13

Nine eps of "Wow this SO FUCKING GOOD."

A penultimate ep of "Nah. No wayyy. Surely it's not heading for where
it looks like it's heading."

And a season finale where I'm all prepped to forgive the last ep and go
"Ah-HAH!" as All Is Revealed. But no: as the credits rolled, it was "Huh."

Unknown (Jaume Collet-Sera/Oliver Butcher & Stephen Cornwell; 2011)

"Taken" was an unexpected and guilty pleasure in 2008, so I was looking forward to the latest not-quite-Bourne-and-not-quite-Transporter genre addition.

It was fun.  It owed a lot more to the Bourne trilogy than I expected but it was fun, and a nice riff on the is-it-me-or-am-I-going-crazy thriller-adventure film.

For a guy approaching the big six-oh, Neeson is doing the business as an action hero, and I look forward to the next one.

Might have to take that back:  I'd assumed "Unknown" was a Luc Besson-produced film like "Taken".

The Shadow Line S01E07

In which the word-count of 'shadow' eclipses that of 'line' in the preceding two eps.

In which the Rule of the Circle of Life is enforced in excruciating detail, right down to "And ye shall end your story in same manner as ye began it, because such is the Rule of the Circle of Life".

In which this blogger is glad to have VLC with which to resize the image in order to do other things like check emails, read blogs and avoid proper work.

Case Histories (BBC, 2011-)

JASON ISAACS has played some nicely hateful characters in the past - "The Patriot" and "The Green Zone", anyone? - and I was a little curious to see him in the lead role in this adaptation of Kate Atkinson's books.  The reviews had me expecting another twee UK mystery series along the lines of "Miss Marple" and "Midsomer Murders".

I was happily disappointed.

Watched the first couple of eps in one night.  Looking forward to the next pair of eps that make up "One Good Turn".

The Killing S01E12

From ep three I was saying "The Ebert Law of Economy of Characters requires that someone we've seen by now is The Killer."

But like some damned Agatha Christie mystery, all the characters I liked for the murder was cleared and then I said, "We're running out of characters with which to satisfy the Law of Economy of Characters."

And then there was Adela.  And then the investigation opened up.  And I said, "Okay.  Maybe it was someone totally unrelated, someone we won't have seen yet, and that's okay because that's how it goes in real life, and this has been a damned fine fucking show, so good that if it is some stranger, I will understand because that's HOW IT IS and I shall not whinge because not all good drama is required to hew to the Law of Economy of Characters."

And now...  And now it might be the show is hewing that line.

I hope not.  I'd UNDERSTAND.

But I might whinge, though.

The Shadow Line S01E06

I was really enjoying this. The stylistic flourishes, I could forgive.
Things were HAPPENING. The mystery was DEEPENING. The suspense was
just FRIGHTFUL.

And then ep five had all this dialogue that was all so... faux John Le
Carre or something.

And this episode. Each exchange of dialogue Heavy with Meaning. How
many times can the word 'line' be said by any number of characters, both
related and unrelated, in five minutes? The ambush in the house with a
child present - WHO SAW THAT COMING? The scenes Pregnant with Portent.
And the ep ending like some bloody "Halloween" instalment.

What a shame. A real shame.

Human Target (Fox, 2010-2011)

The Corrupted Love Interest from "Fringe" as... THE HUMAN TARGET.

Mm... watched the pilot, kept thinking of De Palma's "Mission:
Impossible", saw the creepy guy from "Watchmen" and... PASSED.

City Island (Raymond De Felitta, 2009)

As far as I'm concerned, Andy Garcia's career height was "The
Untouchables". I'm sure he's got talent aplenty, what with "When a Man
Loves a Woman", "Jennifer Eight" and "The Godfather III", films that I
know I have seen but have no actual recollection of. Yes, I know each
film's story, but only because I remember the blurb on the VHS/DVD case.

So last night, when it was a toss up between "The Social Network" and
"City Island", I went indy, and I was pleasantly... it was a pleasant
way to while away an evening. Julianna Margulies was a pleasant
surprise. The morbidly obese women were a pleasant fuck-you to our
usual fare of stick figure screen women. And Mr Garcia was a pleasant
lead, in a thoroughly pleasant film, yes, a little mawkish - twee, even,
although this is a yankee indy - so in the event you're looking for
something undemanding, yet with some nice little twists on your
expectations, try "City Island".

The Winslow Boy (David Mamet, 1999)

A blast from the past chosen by the Better Half off the hard-drive
and... I nodded off a couple of times.

I really enjoyed it the first time around a decade or so back, and
thought I'd revisit it.

Time and a little wisdom can be a terrible thing.

Hanna (Joe Wright/Seth Lochhead, 2011)

It's a chase movie! It's a heroine's journey of discovery. It's an
action film! It's about being true to yourself. It's got guns and
chases --

-- OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Paradox (BBC, 2009)

(Scraping the barrel here, both chronologically and... quality-wise.)

Ordinary coppers stumble onto potential wormhole courtesy of a
top-ultra-secret satellite thingamie under the supervision of steamy
looking but otherwise unintelligible Scots scientist - and the wormhole
shows an impending disaster!

Well, not ALL of it!

But just enough clues to keep us guessing over the course of an hour!

... A rubbish "Lost"-inspired, "X-Files"/"Fringe"-wannabe that mistakes
loud music for suspense and shouted dialogue for characterisation.

Upstairs, Downstairs (BBC, 2010)

A little weird writing about "Upstairs, Downstairs" having been spoiled
just a little by the shenanigans at "Downton Abbey".

I never watched the original run of this show - catching the odd few
seconds whilst channel-surfing these past couple of decades ("Hey that's
George from 'The Professionals' - look at him all hoity-toity") - so
this was a bit of an experiment.

... Nope, hard to take this show seriously in retrospect when there's
bloody "Downton Abbey" only months away.

Kidnap & Ransom (ITV, 2011)

Am I the only one on this planet who didn't give two shits for the
tawdry Rusty/Meg off-set affair and enjoyed "Proof of Life" for the
action thriller that it is? I've read a bit about the kidnap and ransom
(K&R) industry, so it was reasonably intelligent and enjoyable.

Everything this three-part drama was NOT.

Detroit 187 (ABC, 2010-2011)

I like Michael Imperioli. He didn't really stand out for me when Joe
Pesci was making him dance in "Goodfellas". I knew he came into his own
in "Sopranos" - hey, I've got the set, just haven't got around to seeing
it, there's so much new stuff, so THERE. He filled in real nicely for
the black cop in "Law & Order".

And now, with this show, it felt like I was watching an eagle amidst a
bunch of turkeys. Imperioli struggling as a Cop With A History, an
enigma amongst his colleagues. Speaking of colleagues, there was the
"L&O"-wannabe lieutenant, the want-to-please-puppy partner, the hunky
detective, the sexy detective zzzzz....

Sad is the word that comes to mind.

Maybe Imperioli can put this show down to character building, just like
the cast of "The Unusuals" can as they romp their way to successful careers.

Blue Bloods (CBS, 2010-)

I've been a fan of Donnie Wahlberg since he followed his shocking turn
in "The Sixth Sense" with "Band of Brothers" and "Boomtown". This NKOTB
could fucking ACT.

The thought of Tom Selleck in a comeback to television was more one of
morbid interest than actual interest. Bridget "The Sum of All Fears"
Moynahan as a crusading DA. Jennifer oh-how-I've-missed-you-since-"Spin
City" Esposito as a cop.

How... progressive.

How BORING.

The Chicago Code (Fox, 2011)

After the gloriously pungent "The Shield", I looked forward to creator Shawn Ryan's next show, "The Unit". Possibly spoilt by too much "Traffic" and "Syriana", I never really clicked with this early
21st-century show that unintentionally and repeatedly reminded me of"The A Team".

And now "The Chicago Code" with 'Ooh, Jennifer Beals as police commissioner!' and 'Ooh, that guy from "Brotherhood" as a rough-and-tumble detective!' and 'Ooh, Delroy Lindo as a snaky
politician! and -

- whatEVER.

It wasn't until I googled the cast list that the show I was thinking of
when I began this post was actually "Blue Bloods".

Outcasts (BBC, 2011)

An underwhelming pilot notable for a distinct lack of people, and an
uninteresting and narrow choice of ensemble characters.

It's... "Battlestar: Galactica" but with British accents, and much fewer
actors, and unspoken subtext that is so boring you wish it was spoken
just so you can push a screwdriver through one of your eyesockets or
something.

Am I being too harsh? Possibly. Ep two sits on a harddrive, unwatched.
I should give it a chance. But two, three, four months on, do I
really give a shit?

Mr Sunshine (ABC, 2011)

I didn't watch "Friends". I have a soft spot for "Fools Rush In". But
all in all, I'm no great Matthew Perry fan. Hearing that Perry is in
stuff like "The West Wing" or "The Whole Nine Yards" is a bit like
having a carbuncle where the feeling is usually worse than the actual
sight of it - you brace yourself, but he's an amiable screen presence in
the end.

So as for the lately cancelled "Mr Sunshine", I lasted two eps and
bailed. Although it had Andrea Anders of the long, lamented "Better Off
Ted" in the show as well, her few dazzling minutes of screen time per pe
made the remaining runtime tedious.

Sorry, Mr Perry. I'd LIKE to like your stuff but unfortunately, all I
see are shades of Chandler and I DIDN'T EVEN WATCH THAT FUCKING SHOW.

Alphas (Syfy, 2011)

You see the spiel and read it: "Action packed blah blah people with
special blah blah superhuman blah blah." Until your eye catches the
name David Straithairn as being in the show.

DAVID MOTHERFUCKING STRAITHAIRN.

Gimme some sugar.

Downton Abbey (ITV, 2010)

Kind of pushing the blog envelope since the local broadcaster's up to ep
four but when I finally deigned to try the pilot on the PVR - BLAM I had
to get the rest of it anon because it's just bloody AWESOME.

A bit of a fairy tale but SO WHAT. Loved it.

Roll on the northern hemisphere autumn.

Route Irish (Ken Loach/Paul Laverty, 2010)

What a score. Though looking at the number of funders at the beginning,
I've promised myself I'd see this (again) at the upcoming film festival.

The parentheticals are in case I don't get around to watching this.

But I'm chuffed to score it. "It's a Free World..." was a
disappointment at the fest a couple of years back. "Looking for Eric"
has slid off my radar - likely because I don't care for football.

But Ken has been my man since "Riff Raff" so I'm in there, like. So I
should broaden my horizons, really.

Damn

I've run out of titles that are currently playing.

I'll do some memory lane trawling. Could be fun.

Monroe (ITV, 2011)

James Nesbitt as a neurosurgeon.

For some, that thought might cause some people to wet themselves with
laughter but I'm one of those people in the world who hadn't seen "Cold
Feet" - until recently.

And thankfully AFTER "Monroe".

Is it a "House" knock-off? I suppose. If you're totally without
imagination. (Did he have an addiction? No. Was he witty? Yes. Was
there a fourth [of five] act[s] music montage? No, thank fucking god.)

I enjoyed this more than Hugh Laurie's vehicle largely because... it
wasn't "House". Though it has been years since I tried "House" and,
having figured out its formula and tired quickly of it, moved onto "The
Wire" or some such REAL bloody telly.

Try it. Preferably if you didn't like Nesbitt's constant mugging in
"Cold Feet".

Law & Order: Los Angeles (NBC, 2010-2011)

Watched the pilot with growing disappointment last year and, on hearing
that Skeet Ulrich dies AND Alfred Molina gives up his DA-ing AND
Terrence Howard joins the party, I tuned in like a rubber-necker post
drive-by.

The seeds of disappointment at the pilot, assumed forgotten and lost,
poked me in the eye within minutes of the fatal ep beginning. Or maybe
I was just hungry. Either way, I felt like I'd just been scammed by
some neighbourhood kid.

I'm still grieving that the original L&O was canned after twenty loyal
fucking years so don't really care for this sunny/tanned/tailored
pretender. After all, the city of angels is already well cared for by
"The Closer", "Southland" and "Boomtown".

Modern Family - Season 2 (ABC, 2010-11)

All good things come to an end, don't they?

Not as strong as the first season - there are more weaker eps than last
season (but seriously, a weak MF ep still kicks shit out of most other
boxfare out there) - but this half-hour of familial mayhem is a welcome
weekly escape.

Just saw that it's been renewed for a third season. Ooo-rah.

On the Vera Double-up

I prepped an email and postdated it.

I checked my email client and the blog itself around the preordained
time of departure and saw no sign of it.

I doubted my doubtable memory and emailed it.

And THERE IT BLOODY IS.

... It's nice to see emails take a while to get places. Reminds me of
the good old days when hair was big, VGA was cutting edge, and email was
a bit of a toy.

Vera (ITV, 2011)

I coulda sworn I had a draft post about this show. Coulda SWORN. Anyhoo --

Brenda Blethyn is DI Vera Stanhope in this telemovie style series of
detective mysteries which is very... sub-Morse, and sub-sub-Miss Marple.
I love Brenda like a distant crazy-bitch aunt but a collection of tics
does not a complex character make.

And is it really a mystery if your heroine cop works her way through the
list of suspects, accusing each of them of the murder/s, realising that
it wasn't possible, until she gets to the final remaining suspect who
conveniently confesses?

Bwah.

Vera (ITV, 2011)

How can you bleedin' go wrong with Brenda Blethyn?

By doing characterisation through tics rather than action. By being
sub-"Morse", sub-"Miss Marple" - actually, by assuming that your
audience don't know little detective/mystery-genre details like, ooh,
due process, or police procedure.

Made the mistake of watching the first few minutes of a later ep. A
woman prisoner is being transported someplace. In a sedan with a lone
prison officer who's driving. And whose door is clearly unlocked.

WHAT WORLD DO THESE FUCKING WRITERS LIVE IN?

Exile (BBC, 2011)

From the creator of "State of Play", Paul Abbott, though written by
someone else.

With the lead from same mini-series, and lead of numerous other shows
like "Life on Mars" and "Sherlock". (Okay, he was a co-lead in the latter.)

A disgraced journalist is forced to look after his dementing father and
discovers some truths that belie his life as he's known it.

The Ever Forgetful Mother from "Green Wing" really stood out -
particularly with such a thankless role.

The rest? Undone by dialogue for people who need spoon feeding, and a
conspiracy that's unconvincing and unsatisfying.

Mediocre.

Breaking In (Fox, 2011)

"It's gonna be like 'Sneakers' - a heist in 22-minutes every week."

"But with Christian Slater."

Hey I like Slater. Been a fan since "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" and
have never really seen the Jack Nicholson connection.

No, serious.

Okay, I kind of wanted to like this show but it was too... undemanding.
And the fanboy in-jokes are fun, but they an entertaining half-hour do
not make.

CHAOS (CBS, 2011)

The guy from "Six Feet Under". The guy from "O Brother Where Art Thou".
The guy from "Now and Again". And some Scotsman. Or an Englishman
doing a scottish accent.

Hilarity has not followed these four riders of CHAOS.

It was going to be just one ep but I was feeling generous.

Serve me right.

Come Fly With Me (BBC, 2010)

The boys from "Little Britain" are certainly lasting longer - and
travelling further - than Harry Enfield. Pretty good for one half of
which who used to wear a onesie.

The UK reviews were pretty dismissive of the show but I liked it. In
enforced one week doses even though I had all the eps.

I miss the Chicken Lady from LB, but.

Nurse Jackie - Season Three (Showtime, 2011)

Has it been three seasons already?

These 30-minute eps rock as the excellent Edie Falco (hey, I've loved ya
since "Law & Order", honey), her tight supporting cast, and the writers
make mincemeat of medical drama tropes and standbys.

Maybe not the best simile but TOO LATE.

We're over half-way through this season ALREADY?

GodDAMNit.

Episodes (Showtime/BBC, 2011)

"Green Wing" holds pride of place in the library. Stephen Mangan and
Tamsin Greig - hoorah I remembered some actual names! - are gold in GW.

They're not said valuable metal in "Episodes". Two eps in and I
couldn't really be bothered to be bored/insulted by its inane
situational comedy.

It's not Mangan and Greig. The concept's interesting enough. It's the
writing that suck. How stupid do you fucks think I am?

I'll get around to watching the rest, but seriously? There's better
laughs to be had elsewhere.

Justified - Season 2 (FX, 2011)

The last thing I expected with this amiable modern-day western was to
cry at the end of almost half of the eps in this season.

WTF, dude.

Surely it wasn't just because of the variations on damsels in distress
(an exaggeration, but in the same neighbourhood, if you know what I
mean) throughout this season. Mags. Aunt Helen. The Tomboy. What
perfectly formed characters with which to identify, if not necessarily
sympathise. They did some regrettable things, but they meant well by
them. As for the Hero Marshall and the Ex-Wife storyline? Got a bit
ridiculous. But the relationship between the Hero Marshall and his
nemesis-like Former Mining Buddy is electric and deeply satisfying to
watch play out.

I think I've really taken this okie district to heart - all credit to
showrunner Graham "Speed" Yost and his writers room. If "The Shield"
captured the dank and corrupt essence of James Ellroy's LA Quartet,
"Justified" equally deftly captures Elmore Leonard's world of
well-meaning not-necessarily-too-smart cops and robbers transported to
hicksville.

My favourite show for 2011.

The Shadow Line (BBC, 2011)

A dead gangster. A newly returned detective. A businessman trying to
stay afloat.

Things seem to be happening in threes in crime dramas lately - qv "The
Killing" - but I bet it's an old trope for crime shows where they want
to be more than just about the case, ma'am.

Chiwetel Ejiofor is the newly returned 'tec with a bullet lodged in his
skull. Christopher Eccleston is an entrepreneur who's set up a legit
business for his shady colleagues to use as a front. And Rafe Spall is
providing an intriguing performance as 'the psycho baddie' - intriguing
in how one dimensional he so far seems to be, as well as the hope
(though there haven't been any hints or clues dropped yet) that there's
more to him than Brion James stares and whiplash expression changes.
Of note to date: ep 2's car chase that devolved to a foot chase that
was actually really exciting - on par, dare I say, with Bigelow's foot
chase in "Point Break".

Must have more.

Bill Hunter - 1940-2011

Hunter was a familiar face on Kiwi television sets when I grew up.

His presence in films like "Muriel's Wedding" and "Strictly Ballroom"
grounded the stories for me - a gruff old bugger, but with a heart of gold.

And when he showed up in "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert", he became a
favourite actor to watch out for.

Travel well, mate.

Why

Why the potty mouth?

Because I can. Because this is my blog.

Mostly because I have another, more serious blog where I have to watch
my manners.

AMC

Writing about "The Killing" just before reminds me that I wish I'd tried
the Danish first, but. I think I was trying to learn from getting bored
shitless by "Wallander" (the Brannagh one, not the Swedish original),
and because I've adored the AMC output so far ("Mad Men", "Breaking
Bad", "The Walking Dead" and "Rubicon" [I miss you]) I thought, 'I'll
just try the pilot' and five minutes in, there was no turning back, cuz.

Cynics out there would mention that it's only a matter of time until AMC
trips over itself but I say to them, EAT SHIT AND DIE, because it's
going good at the moment, and I'm a believer, goddammit.

What

So... what's the point of this blog?

It's so I can write about shows I'm watching, regardless of their
origin, without fear of threats from lawyers, you dig?

Criminal Minds: Suspect Behaviour - Pilot (CBS, 2011)

Disclosure: I don't watch "Criminal Minds". I sat through an ep in the
first season but have absolutely no recollection of what I saw but I do
remember thinking at inopportune moments, 'My name is Inigo Montoya.
Prepare to die.'

Just saw the pilot of this with Forrest and Janeane and numerous
Beautiful People.

Unfortunately it wasn't one of those shows where the talent transcended
the premise and material.

Ah well.

I continue to hold out hope for the return of David Soul's team in "Unsub".

The Killing (AMC, 2011)

So far, this show is so good, I've already acquired the original Danish
Forbrydelsen, and though I'm tempted to watch them side by side,
my gut tells me that's a Stupid Fucking Idea.

Can't help thinking of The Wire with this show: the One Good Cop
trying to do her job; the Good Hearted Politician trying to run a clean
campaign; and the Removal Man with a History trying to live a good
life. The repetition of good in the preceding sentence suggests a theme
for this show: first do no harm. But it being drama, there's some harm
coming, I've been fed some red herrings, and those three are going to
have interesting things happen to them.

Mm-hm

Could my last post have any more typos?

I'm using the email-to-blog feature because I want to be nimble and
agile and quick with my posts and thoughts whether you like it or not.

I'll try and be more careful when typing up the email.

The Good Wife - Season 2 (CBS, 2010-11)

I want to know, WHERE THE HELL DID THIS SHOW COME FROM?

Bonus demand: WHY AREN'T THERE MORE SHOWS LIKE THIS?

Y'know, for an audience that can think, that can connect the dots, that
can read the subtext - y'know, and audience like ME.

Sure, what with all the will-they-won't-they shenanigans between The
Good Wife and the Hot Shot Lawyer with a History of Season 1 threatening
to draaag on into this season, then with Lela the Lesbian's (sorry,
honey, can't remember your 'real' character name) little arc plus all
the disturbing signs of her preparing to commit suicide, AND a freaking
state's attorney's election - this show almost out-plots THE WIRE with
all the shit going on (but it does have 23 eps to play with) - but this
sentence is so long, I've almost forgotten my intended destination:
this is glib but apt - "Everything changes. Nothing changes."

I shit you not.

Criminal Minds: Suspect Behaviour (CBS, 2011)

I was looking forward to my boy FORREST WHITAKER and my TV/film squeeze
JANEANE GAROFALO turning up once a week on my screen and catching loser
psychos after killing One Innocent Victim Too Many but have just heard
that it's been cancelled.

Shit.

Wasn't THAT bad, was it?

Yo

Y'know, just having that title dates me, I think.  An adult who's using some Eighties lingo.

Fuck.  Lingo.

This blogging shit is a nightmare.

I'll give it a go, but.