The Hour S02E02

My last post about this show was two months ago.  That's how excited the season opener made me feel about moving on to the next ep.  (What with Last Resort and Vegas, not very.)

So I started watching the second ep last night and I found myself admiring the widescreen telly we have - that Sony box has done us well, it has - oh wait, that guy from The Wire has just gotten himself thrown in gaol and - my, it's been ages since I've vacuumed the ceiling.

There is a sore and desperate need for some bloody drama in this show that is really lacking.  "But the guy from The Wire's in gaol!" you cry.  Don't care.  "Oh no, the Perfume guy's French wife has just been inked!" you shriek.  Don't care.  "And the woman from Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights - oh her heart, 'tis broke!" you rail.

Don't.  Fucking.  Care.

Vegas S01E11

Ay, wow.

Okay, the Little Brother getting something on with the Gangster's Daughter plot I can do without - or it could do with a lot less cheese.  Sure, the Sheriff's Son relationship with the Spicy Sheriff's Office Manager has so far been nicely underplayed.  Yeah, Quaid's Lamb is beginning to grate with the teeth-flashing and guttural noises that are supposed to pass for hero-of-few-words.

But it's Chiklis' Savino that's really beginning to shine.  My doubts of a post-Shield Chiklis as a Chicago mobster have been shoved aside by Chiklis as a Mobster with a Dream.  People are doing things with the best intentions.  Complications are ensuing.  Things are going to get worse before they get better.

What a great way to come into the new year.

Zero Dark Thirty (2012; Kathryn Bigelow / Mark Boal)

Engrossing, intense, didn't-feel-like-150-minutes, classy filmmaking.

Barely a week into 2013 and I've already got a film of the year contender.

Transporter: The Series (RTL, 2012-)

Whaaat?

And the sad thing is I'm gonna watch the pilot because that's how sad I am.

2013

Went to see Bond 23 (I sat here a full minute trying to remember the bloody title and failed) at an actual cinema last weekend. I've never really minded the exaggerated opening of packets of crisps - some motherfuckers think that if they open their packets slowly, no one will notice - but I can understand the motivation behind the slow-opening of packets: people are trying to be considerate. Talkers have been... open to negotiation on shutting the fuck up during a movie. But nowadays - maybe it's my age - it's people who think it's okay to check their txts during the movie that make me wish I could throw a Jaffa down-theatre (my aim is shit and what do I look like to you, a dickhead?).

Still can't remember the name of the Bond title. I know Daniel Craig is in it, with Ralph Fiennes, Javier Bardem, Judy Dench, Ben Wishaw and Naomie Harris. I know that it mostly wiped away the fucking shitty taste of Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace. And that it was directed by Sam Mendes, with opening theme by Adele.

Fucking hell, I'm off reservation.

Back to the point of this post. This is just a list of what I'm looking forward to this year.

Must see: Star Trek Into Darkness 'cause the last one was so damned fun, The Last Stand 'cause of Arnie, A Good Day to Die Hard 'cause hey it's a Die Hard ep, Iron Man 3 'nuff said, Man of Steel 'cause Watchmen showed some maturity, Elysium 'cause, Prototype 'cause of the trailer, and Gravity 'cause of Clooney (wait - it's still got Clooney, right?).

Can wait for: Gangster Squad even though Sean Penn looks like he's left over from Dick Tracy, G.I. Joe: Retaliation really only 'cause it's got Dwayne Johnson and Bruce Willis, World War Z even though it looks like it's fucked the source material, and Kick Ass 2 because let's be honest: I'm a sucker for carnage choreographed to childrens TV show tunes.

Don't care so won't bother considering: Oblivion, Parker, After Earth, The Hobbit, Lone Ranger. Boring boring BORING.  Shitty trailers, too.

And I must say I'm curious about the following: Dead Man Down 'cause the trailer's kinda interesting, Pain and Gain 'cause I'm curious what Michael Bay can do without CGI, The Wolverine even though I'm no fan (but hey, it's directed by James Mangold), Old Boy 'cause it's directed by Spike Lee, and Pacific Rim where hopefully Idris Elba does a whole lot better than he got in Prometheus.

Still can't remember the bloody Bond film but, thanks to Google, it's goddamned Skyfall.  It certainly left an impression on this one, didn't it?

Downton Abbey Christmas Special

Is it possible for a show to parody itself?  I'm sure there's a precedent somewhere (Moonlighting and Star Trek: Next Generation come to mind) but a show as ah, serious as Downton?

Yes, of course I'll be downloading it in the new year.

An awkward ep, to be sure.

Taken 2 - Update

Thank Christ they put some clothes on her.

Pity the rest of the movie didn't get some common sense going - for example, to go to the US embassy does one really need to crash through all the security? having removed the shackles of captivity, does one leave one's ex-wife with the phrase, I'll be right back, or could one perhaps move her to a safer fucking place until further notice?

Meh.

Taken 2 (2012; Oliver Megaton / Luc Besson & Robert Mark Kamen)

The first Taken film was a pleasant surprise:  Mills (Liam Neeson) is a retired spook whose daughter (Maggie Grace) is kidnapped, and he gets her back, no punches pulled.

In this sequel, there's half-an-hour of set-up before the plot kicks in and - spoiler alert if you haven't seen or heard anything about the premise - the tables are turned and its Mills' daughter's turn to rescue her parents.  That's a nice switch, I thought to myself.  It's certainly avoiding the bad luck John McClane has had with his wife in the first few Die Hard films.

I had to stop the film at the 40-minute mark, though:  1). it was past my bedtime, and 2). all the leg, crotch and cleavage shots of Grace were beginning to really grate - and I couldn't get rid of the thought, She's going to spend the rest of the fucking film in those fucking shorty-shorts, isn't she?

An update may follow.

Last Resort S01E09

What an ep.  What stakes.  What complications.

What fuckheads ABC are for not renewing this show.

Vegas S01E09

Tone was a little all over the place but this still wees all over Arrow for character and storytelling chops.

And about goddamned time Moss was part of the ep's story, rather than as a goddamned walk-on.

The Walking Dead S03E08

It's NCEA time, so in that spirit here's some questions.

1.  In a world of extraordinary uncertainty where the dead reanimate, you have survived by being fast, ruthless and commonsensical.  You find yourself in a room surrounded by fish tanks filled with zombie heads.  There's a noise coming from a cupboard - the noises of someone or something inside.

You open the cupboard and a little child making gravelly grunty noises pops out with 1). a hood over its head, 2). its sweater turned into a straitjacket, and 3). a chain around its neck.

What is the first thing you do?

(a). Cut that motherfucker's head off.
(b). Pull the hood off.
(c). Ask the child, Where're your parents, yo?
(d). Remove the chain.

2.  Optional Question for Bonus Mark

You have just joined a ragged group of survivors.  There are six of you.  You are in hostile and unfamiliar territory.

One of your fellow survivors screams her head off at every goddamned fucking instance of zombie contact.

What do you do?

(a).  Have a quiet word with the screamer to SHUT THE FUCK UP because her screaming attracts attention.
(b).  Cut the screamer's tongue out.
(c).  Lose the screamer at the first opportunity.
(d).  Do nothing and hope for the best.

Vegas S01E08

Another nice ep.  The little brother's fledgling romance with the count room woman is a nice touch.

The flinty chemistry between Quaid and Chiklis is one to savour.

And nice to see Stark Sands find work after NYC-22.

Update:  okay, so that's not Sands but a lookalike.  Military uniforms always make it hard for me to differentiate between individual soldiers.

Arrow S01E07

I don't watch this show for the dialogue or the acting or even the PG-13 violence.

I watch it for the narrative developments.  If this means I'm a sucka for cliffhangers, then I'm a sucka.  There's no other explanation.

Falcon: The Blind Man of Seville (Sky, 2012)

I only really watched this because there's a Kiwi as the lead:  Marton Csokas.  The pleasure increased with the title credits:  Kerry Fox, another Kiwi, Hayley Atwell, who made a nice spunky impression in Captain America:  The First Avenger, and Bernard Hill, who always gives warm grampappy fuzzies.  And it was directed by Dredd helmer Pete Travis, which I loved to bits.

Back to Falcon.

Nothing new as far as the genre is concerned.  The actors' native British accents were a little incongruous at first with the Spanish location, but the casting and the decision to not bother with Spanish accents is another plus in this show's favour.

Did I like it?  It looked nice enough.  There are small pleasures like the city itself, and (I think) Charlie Creed-Miles continually disgruntled sidekick detective.

I suppose I'll try another.  For New Zealand.

The Bourne Legacy (2012; Tony Gilroy)

I'd read the reviews so expectations were low but - wow, what a loser of a film.

I've loved your earlier work, Mr Gilroy but this one - pssht, let's pretend another Tony Gilroy cobbled this together.

The Sweeney (2012; Nick Love / Love & John Hodge)

Ahh what a load of 1970s throwback bollocks.  A great cast with Ray Winstone, Hayley Atwell, Damian Lewis and Steven Mackintosh, though.  But seriously:  have the filmmakers not seen any film and/or television crime stories in the last thirty fuckin' years?  What do they take the viewing audiences for?

Morons?

Fuckin' hell.

Vegas S01E06-07

This show is beginning to spin off into moral territories that very few broadcast shows like to go.  Broadcast shows are that:  broad.  As in without nuance, as in lowest common denominator.

Creators Nicholas Pileggi and Greg Walker have been devious sons-a-bitches in giving us a McCloud knock-off in this post-Longmire and -Justified procedural telly landscape and sneaking in some moral fucking ambiguity.

Seriously, bitches:  WTF?

Yes, I teared up at the end of the last ep because for all of Savino's (Chiklis) hustle and bluff, he loves his wife.  And was it the previous ep or the one before where that was that unsubtle reveal of why Lamb (Quaid) just won't let his brother cut down a tree on the ranch - he loves his wife, too, the old coot.

Vegas is the shizz.

Last Resort Cancelled

Oh fuck.

The Walking Dead S03E06-07

If this show suffers from too much of a good thing, it's pacing:  ep x, we'll learn this-little-piggy-went-to-market; in ep y, we'll blow some nasty-ass TV CGI up and we'll learn that this-little-piggy-stayed-home; and so on.  It's so fucking measured.

Maybe it's just a part of the whole zombie canon:  seemingly interminable suspension, consistent ignorance/idiocy as to the lethality of the plague, action that is driven not by logic - or a love for life - but by the next ad break or upcoming ep.  What the comic does so well is that - tragic lapses of attention aside - our heroes learn shit.  I hear that's fucking called character development or some shit.

I suspect a lot of my bitching and whining in this post is informed by another motherfucking AMC mid-season break - after next week's ep, it's who-the-fuck-knows how long until we get to the end of this - let's be honest, pedestrian - zombie show.

And bitch and whine as I will, I'll still waste precious bandwidth on this fucking show.  Why?  Because it's diverting a little from the comic.  Although, seriously, I could do without the goddamned grief.

The Hour S02E01 (BBC, 2011-)

The gang's all back.

A bit slow to begin with.  It's been so long - so it seems - since its maiden season that I'd completely forgotten what happened in the previous season.  The ep only really seemed to pick up with the return of crusading investigative journalist Freddie Lyon (Ben Whishaw) after his big O.E.

I should've written this sooner after watching the ep so I can only offer the following thoughts:

• Was news producer Bel Rowley (Romola Garai) such a weak sister last season?
• I kept waiting for new Head of News Randall Brown (The Thick of It's Peter Capaldi) to say colourfully offensive and bawdy dialogue (alas, shit out of luck in this ep);
• And the ep seemed a bit filled up, if you know what I mean - flaccid and unhurried.

Still.  Nice to have a classy sub-Mad Men show to watch until Dick Whitman and friends return in the new year.

The Walking Dead S03E05

Two thoughts watching this ep.

I spent the first half of this ep screaming Ditch the fucking bitch! at the groan-inducing leave/don't-leave bullshit between Andrea and Michonne.  I'm like, Save this shit for Revolution or TRON Uprising, for pete's sake.

Second thought is during the baby-formula-run and Maggie sneaks into a daycare centre, scans the room she's entered, then goes straight into a cupboard.  I mean, FUCKING EXCUSE ME but after however long of surviving in this godforsaken fictional world, wouldn't SECURING THE FUCKING BUILDING be a logical first step in an unfamiliar environment?

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Vegas S01E05

Took four eps under the belt - and possibly the appearance of Dewey Crowe - for this series to goddamned sing.  Almost made me want to revisit Casino but I don't think my heart (and/or stomach) could take it again.

It's a bit constrained by its procedural element but Dennis Quaid's stubborn cussedness and Michael Chiklis best-intentioned two-facedness are proving a great hook.

Carrie Ann Moss - who turned up more in this ep - still needs something to do.  Writer dudes?  Hello?

Roll on the rest of season 1.

The Walking Dead S03E01-03

Season 2 was a steaming pile of shit.  It was boring.  It dragged.  It didn't have Frank Darabont at the helm.  I watched the first few eps with a growing sense of dissatisfaction.  I can't remember which ep I pressed 'Stop' part way through.  I jumped to the end of the season, in time for the farm break-out and I was like, Yeah, whatever.

Watching season 3 was motivated largely by the comic - the prison saga, in comic form at least, is fucking awesome - and so, like a dog going back to its vomit, I'm three eps and it... shows promise.

Nothing like the first season.  But it... has potential.  To be entertaining.

Arrow S01E04

This ep wins the prize for most awkwardly written and delivered dialogue so far.

Was there a writers room prize for biggest wordcount?

And was the legal consultant in Tahiti or something?

But like a crack whore, I'm gonna get the next ep.  Either to make sure the slide has begun finally/already or to be there when it gets back on track.

Vegas S01E04

I must be getting soft.

I'm beginning to like this.

Michael Chiklis brings the animal charm that shone through The Shield to give us a mobster with A Dream, and a way to quietly root for him.

Dennis Quaid's impression of a stetson-wearing Easter Island statue was beginning to wear a little thin until we were shown just how sentimental a Harrison-Ford-channeling son-of-a-gun he is.

And The-Irish-Guy-from-the-US-remake-of-'Life-on-Mars' looks like he might have a nice subplot going with the Girl-with-Smarts-who's-also-the-Mob-Boss's-Daughter.

Meantime, Carrie Ann Moss is sorely, sorely missed.  C'mon, writer-dudes:  the woman can take down a room of cops as a warm up, or a foyer of cops and soldiers when properly motivated.

Last Resort S01E05

This kind of story-telling is what The Shield so freakin' good:  you put your characters between a rock and a hard place, and then you put them between another rock and a hard place.

The shenanigans on the island with our heroes Chaplin and Let's-Forgive-Him-for-'Underworld' squaring off against Cheney and Rice Curry and Black Republican Woman, intercut with I-Will-Overcome-Female-Lieutenant's dick-swinging with the COB (Chief of the Boat) whilst two-stepping with opposing subs and the Reluctant-Heroic-SEAL-Guy, made this ep a nail-biter.  Still don't care for the stuff Stateside but everything else is beginning to fucking sing, man.


... Yeah, I should know names by now but... I don't.

Damned good TV, this is.

Arrow S01E03

Yeah, okay.  Dialogue still barely registers at an entertaining level.  But plot things are happening:  the potential beginnings of Speedy; the resolution of phase x of the Oliver-Laurel-Merlin (what the FUCK kind of character name is Merlin, please?) triangle; and the beginning of the Green Arrow club with the induction, it would seem, of the fanboy-named Diggle.

Yeah, sure, I'll watch some more.

Hunted S01E01 (BBC/Cinemax, 2012)

Three questions popped into my head in the first five minutes:

1.  Why does the bad guy take our heroine all the way into his evil lair?  They were en route to dinner or something so... couldn't she have just waited in the car?

2.  Why does film and television insist on showing that snipers can shoot distant things without resting the rifle on something?

3.  If you're a henchman in your boss's evil lair and you see your meal-ticket - in this case, a presumed kidnap victim -  being accompanied by a strange woman walking in a hurry, wouldn't you just shoot first and ask questions later?

(It's possible that:  1. our heroine and bad guy have been in a relationship a while and either (a) she can be trusted to come into the evil lair or (b) she can't be trusted with the driver; 2. snipers who make headshots at impressive distances are all descended from Lee Harvey Oswald; and 3. see 1. (a) preceding.)

Let's see how bored I get with my other viewing.

Arrow S01E02

Each ep so far has had a moment where I've grinned like I actually like the fucking thing.

One goddamn moment.

It's not that the rest of the ep's 45-minute running time has been unbearable.  Aside from the action set-pieces where I go full-screen on the old lappie, the rest of the show has helpful dialogue that I can tune half an ear to while I surf or 'work'.

The second ep had two moments, actually.

This show could grow on me.  Like mould or something.

Arrow S01E01 (CW, 2012)

I'll be up front with you:  barring his cameo in Frank Miller & Klaus Janson's The Dark Knight Returns, Green Arrow has never really been a superhero I've taken seriously.  (Was it the missing arm that made him interesting?  Maybe.)  (Sorry for any spoilers.)

Watching this pilot with all the familiar supporting names - Diana Laurel Prince, Speedy - was marginally interesting for... the rapport between our hero and his family maid, and a not-bad-okay-that-was-pretty-good parkour-included chase half-way through the ep.

All the while though, the flawless skin, the lantern jaws, the ultra-sculpted musculature kept making me think I was watching the 90210 reboot.  And I fucking know I haven't watched that shit.

I think it's tone:  the premise is kinda dark, but the bodies are like an homage to The Karen Carpenter Story.

... Maybe.  Maybe I'll try another.

Vegas S01E02-03

Compared to Last Resort, this show isn't so fast on cycling through to the next backlogged ep.

The weekly storylines are quite cookie-cutter, the season (or - groan - series) storyline reminds me - again - too much of Crime Story, and, ever since it popped into my noggin, I just haven't been able to shake the idea that lead Dennis Quaid should play Harrison Ford's brother in a movie or something soon.  Honestly:  am I the only one thinking Quaid is channeling Ford?

The acting's solid.  Michael Chiklis is looking less and less like Vic Mackey and more like a transplanted East Coast hood.  I'm still waiting for Carrie Ann Moss to be given something meaningful to do by the writers.  And I'm so glad James Russo's character hasn't been killed off yet (though it's only a matter of time given his character's line of work, and Russo's casting history).

I'm an easy sentimentalist so I think I'll waste a bit more bandwidth on this.

Last Resort S01E02-03

I know I'm liking something when - and this is when I have a multi-ep backlog - I drive straight into the next ep.

Eps two and three reveal a show that is shaping up quite interestingly.  The acting is really variable.  The dialogue, too.  But the characters - and the execution of this is also variable in quality - have some intriguing backstories that promise much more than Lost meets Hunt for Red October.

Downton Abbey S03E05

WAAAUGH!

Monroe S02E01 (ITV, 2012)

Maudlin. Manipulative. Melodramatic. Marvellous. Magnificent. More, please.

Modern Family S03E01-03

The season opener seemed to be an harbinger of more of the same.  Contrived circumstances and forced laughs.

But then the second and third eps put lumps in my throat - just the like the first season did - as well as made me laugh heartily.

This is more fucking like it.

Elementary S01E01 (CBS, 2012)

Elementary is unfortunate to open in the long shadow of Sherlock and countless earlier UK iterations.  Sure they keep the sleuth English with lead Jonny Lee Miller and 'update'/'reimagine' the show with an Asian American female Watson in Lucy Liu, and set it in the Big Apple, with the pilot helmed by Michael Cuesta, veteran pilot director of Dexter and Homeland.

I made it half-way through when a voice beside me cried out, "Please make it stop!"

I guess I'd zoned out and was waiting for the next spoonful of narrative yummy-gummy-ness.

It is so slooow.  There's no spark between leads Miller and Liu.  I hated the opening with yet another bloody voyeuristic imagining of how to kill a woman painfully.  I'm an old fan of Lestrade-equivalent Aidan Quinn - have been since Desperately Seeking Susan - but his role is so grateful and dull and thankless.  And the pace is sooo slow.

Boring.  That's the word.

Vegas S01E01 (CBS, 2012)

I have fond memories of Michael Mann's Crime Story.  I have images of death and mayhem seared into my brain from Nicholas Pileggi's work.  Vegas' leads were neither here nor there for me - much as I enjoyed Michael Chiklis in The Shield, and Dennis Quaid in Inner Space, Enemy Mine, Traffic.

Sooo why did I try this show?  I missed Longmire, I guess.

Having name-checked Crime Story, Goodfellas, The Shield, and Traffic, how does Vegas fare?  Not exactly riveting television.  Nothing here that either Longmire or Justified isn't already doing damn well. 

Okay.  Not awful.  Kinda interesting.


But I think I'll give it another ep.

Revolution S01E01 (NBC, 2012)

Besides the usual face-checking - "It's the investigator from The Good Wife!" and "Gus!  We've missed you!" - a post-apocalyptic show seemed a nice idea to try.

After a concise prologue of pre-Black Out life (y'know, life as we know it in, like, real life), the show cuts mercifully to fifteen years later and a bucolic life on a farm.

Beside me, a voice wondered, "Their clothes are quite tidy and fashionable for fifteen years without machines."  I ignored the voice.

A little further into the story - the journey of our heroine and friends to Chicago - the voice piped up again:  "So, wow:  a day and night's walk to the city of Chicago.  Were they in the 'burbs the whole time?"  I silently counted to ten in Latin and focussed on the cathode ray tube.

After a face-off and not-exactly-all-that-swashbuckling fight, the voice began, "This is -"

I turned on the voice's owner:  "Boring?  I agree.  For a guy who's got a rep for being really good at killing he's taking an awfully long time.  Is it supposed to show that he's a little out of practice?  Or that killing takes effort?  I don't know."

"And what's with -"

"The Black Out?  Does it affect only electrical appliances/machinery?  It would appear so.  Then what about diesel engines?  And steam-powered engines?"

"And -"

"And what about all the candles they have going?  I strongly suspect the lighting department needed it."

Those and many more questions and answers excuses point to what I found so wanting in this show:  it's network television.  Our band of heroes are incredibly telegenic - the lead keeps making me flash on Twilight and Hunger Games, and there's a NOT TAYLOR LAUTNER in there for good measure.  The dystopian world is awfully friendly- maybe I've just taken on board far too much of the hopelessness of The Walking Dead and The Road.  And those clothes - they're so stylish.  And the questions about the apparent inconsistencies of the Black Out - which I presume will be very Lost in it's ambiguity and mythical mysterious unknowability.

It's network television.  I... don't think I'll watch any more.

The Bletchley Circle - Debrief

Wow.

After the hideous disappointments of The Shadow Line and The Line of Duty, this period piece of detective work from four post-World War II women was a revelation and example of what can be achieved if one applies intelligence, logic and common sense to a show.

I want another season - but I know that that will only ruin what this show has achieved:  satisfying, intelligent detective drama that is truthful to its characters, period and place.  A second season will only take it into Miss Marple territory.

I'm going to give my Gramma an extra hug after this.

Last Resort S01E01 (ABC, 2012)

I will watch anything by Shawn Ryan.  Except another ep of Terriers.  Or his work on Nash Bridges.  He was part of a primo writers room on Buffy the Vampire Slayer so that show is safe.  And I'm pretty sure I watched some Chicago Code last year but I have NO RECOLLECTION OF THAT SHOW.

Yeah, you guessed it:  I'm a MASSIVE The Shield fan.  Massive.  Huge.  Own the set.  Bought the set AT GREAT PERSONAL FINANCIAL COST because I was such a HUGE MASSIVE FUCKING FAN.

So OF COURSE I try Last Resort and, first few minutes jitters aside, and a little face-checking of various people I've seen in earlier Ryan shows (forgot to mention The Unit), and this show actually becomes damned interesting.  I don't think Martin Campbell was such a great choice for director as the various plots were just so humdrum for so long that it was really just a waiting-for-the-fourth-act kind of game for SHIT TO COME TOGETHER.

Which they did.  And this is a pretty interesting show.  I think the Stateside stories are a little boring but maybe as the shadowy puppet masters begin to take shape through whatever they do, I might pay a little more attention.

So this is nice.  I'll try another ep.

Downton Abbey - Season 3

When God closes one door, she always opens another.

Good Cop S01E01-02 (BBC, 2012)

I'm neither a fan nor a hater on lead Warren Brown.  His work in Occupation and Single Father was... solid.  He played well with the others in the ensemble that is the first, and was a sympathetic enough cuckold in the second.

The pilot was interesting enough with a Tricky theme opening, it had an okay "how-we-got-here" device, and overall had promise with Brown, Tricky and an intriguing premise of "What kinda copper is Brownie?"

Alas, the second ep was rubbish.  Rubbish rubbish rubbish.  Fifteen minutes I was throwing things at the box and screeching, "PLEASE GOD CAN SOMETHING FUCKING HAPPEN NOW?"until my better half told me to STFU.

This pile of bollocks can join The Shadow Line in the corner over there.

Blimmin' heck.

The Bletchley Circle S01E01 (ITV, 2012)

My limit for wimmin detectives is Miss Marple.

I think the last US show I watched with a female 'tec was... Profiler. No, wait: it was Cold Case. No, wait a minute - it was The Closer. No, wait wait wait: ....

The lame point I'm trying to make is that all the US shows have pretty Californian(-type) blondes. They're interchangeable. The Bletchley Circle, God bless the Beeb UK telly, has real-life looking women. With brains. And common sense.

This is worth a gander. And based on the strength of the pilot, worth more than Vera and its silly writing (which has been renewed for a third season FOR FUCK'S SAKE).

Breaking Bad S05E01-08

Oh boy.

That was worth holding off on.  Averaged over two episodes a night and then BANG that was fucking IT.

 
Until next year.

Tell me:  how is a season that's SPLIT OVER TWO FUCKING YEARS still one fucking season?

I blame the poxy Weinsteins for starting this money-grubbing tactic.

Robbery Homicide Division (CBS, 2002-2003)

This Michael Mann-produced one season wonder was difficult to track down online.

It's very post Heat, and has a lot of embryonic visual cues and directorial flourishes that made the Miami Vice film stupefyingly boring.  Watching lead Tom Sizemore - surely unintentionally - channeling Al Pacino from Heat is.... interesting.

It's a period piece:  that's what this show is.  This show was as good as it got until The Wire, The Shield and The Closer showed that how much further the procedural show genre's boundaries could be pushed.

It's... quaint.

Blackout (S01E01, BBC, 2012)

Disclosure:  I used to have the hots for Dervla Kirwan.  Then she got old.

Disclosure:  I've never had the hots for Christopher Eccleston.  Then he did Doctor Who.

I got fifteen minutes into this and then I glanced at my watch, thinking that was the slowest, flashiest, most repetitive thirty minutes of television I'd seen in some time.  Then I saw only FIFTEEN MINUTES had elapsed.

Good actors.  I'm sure there's a good script somewhere in there.  But it felt like the director had mainlined some Tony Scott / Ridley Scott serum and just ejaculated all over the fucking editing suite.

I might have to try this again - I might have to have some brewskis beforehand - if only for Dervla and Christopher.

Prometheus (2012, Ridley Scott / John Spaiht & Damon Lindelof)

Was busting to see this.

Then I saw it.

To paraphrase a certain Warrant Officer, Did IQs drop sharply since the last instalment?

Line of Duty S01E05

What the fuck just happened?

I mean, seriously:  what.  the.  fuck?

Our anti-hero has to go on the run, and tries to convince his wife that it's not safe - they're after him, they're after what he holds dear.

Dude:  when shit is bucketing down on you, and yo' ho ain't listening, shut her the fuck up and get her the fuck outta Dodge unless you want the fucking Tooth Fairy to pay yo' family a one-night-only visit, knowhumfuckinsayin?

All this in the first fucking ten minutes.

This bollocks has been renewed for a second season.

Line of Duty S01E01-04 (BBC, 2012)

What's not to like?

Bodies creator Mercurio, Jericho star James, and Sweet Sixteen breakthrough Compston.

The opening ep was okay.  The second ep made things interesting with an electrifying ending.  The third ep lapsed back into opening ep territory.

And now with the fourth ep... I'm typing this as I 'watch' it.

Boring.  Don't need to watch it when I can listen to it.

Disappointing.  Hope it doesn't go the way of the awfulawfulawful Shadow Line.

Hope is a terrible thing.

Breaking Bad - Season 5

Mr White is back.

Thank you, Jesus.

Longmire S01E01-06 (A&E, 2012)

With Justified between seasons and Deadwood still unwatched on a harddrive somewhere, Longmire looked to be a, well, a long shot. The show's pedigree was promising - The Closer writer-producers Baldwin and Coveny, the lamented Smith and unmissed ER director Chulack did the pilot and set the tone, and Battlestar Galactica alumnus Sackhoff looked to be intriguing. And y'know what? It's not half-bad.

Matter of fact, it's a challenge deciding what to watch on a New Zealand Monday evening: this, The Newsroom, Hit & Miss....

Recommended.

Golden (TV3, 2012)

Fat arse has-been Olympic athlete goes for gold.

This is about as subtle - and stupid - as the heroine of Jacqui Brown Diaries adopting a retard. My tax dollars at work. FUCK.

Hounds (TV3, 2012)

New Zealand television comedy is, by and large, shit.

Don't believe me?  YOU try fucking watching some.

But every now and then, there's a show that's dumped at ten or eleven on a weekday night that stands out from the rest.  That isn't just a mere mushroom poking out from a steaming pile of shit.  That doesn't make you want to throw something at your flatscreen.

 
Hounds is it.

Of course it's not perfect.  But a). it treats the audience with some intelligence, b). it's not cringemakingly shit, and c). it's actually fucking funny.

This post is five weeks late - the season finale is this coming Friday - but GODDAMMIT I want more already.

The Newsroom - S01E01 (HBO)

Ah, Mr Sorkin.  Welcome back.

I've missed you.

Lockout (2012, James Mather & Stephen St Leger / St Leger, Mather & Luc Besson)

Awesome stuff.

Strictly B-grade and fuckin' proud of it.

Guy Pearce is GOD.

Watch it.

Harry (TV3, 2012)

Harry's a new cop show on the block.

Another fucking cop show.

I feel the stirrings of a drinking game:  a skull for every time there's - a poo or wee joke, or Neill gives the fingers, or Kightley grinning like a fucking monkey.

Better fucking be good.

Modern Family - Season 2

None of you bastards have asked why I've relegated Modern Family to the second tier "Oh I'll suppose I'll try another season" category.

It's because the second season was patchy, contrived and slow, whereas its maiden season was propulsive comedy viewing, character driven drama and snappy.

Happy now, bitches?

Mad Men S05E13

Ain't shit I can say that this guy ain't said better.

The Samaritan (2012, David Weaver / Weaver & Elan Mastai)

I was going to say I'd watch anything that had Samuel L Motherfucking Jackson in it until I remembered I haven't seen Black Snake Moan yet.  Or Snakes on a Plane.  To be honest, neither of them really pique me.  Well, Christina Ricci in Moan kind of does something for me.

Moving on.

Propelled by an approving Roger Ebert review, I got this one and was... mildly entertained.  Feels a lot like a first-time director with it's expository dialogue and not-quite-lingering-but-more-padding shots - but director Weaver's been doing it since 1993.

It was nice to see Jackson underplaying a character with none of his eye-balling and shouting.  Don't care for the location or for the other actors.  Tom Wilkinson's presence feels a lot like an Alec Guiness cameo in Mute Witness.  It's reasonably tight and entertaining.

Recommended for noir fans.

Mad Men S05E12

No no no NO NOOOO.

Now is not a good time to do a clean-up of characters, Mr Weiner.  Matter of fact, after the heartbreak of Sal's departure, I forbid you.

... Seriously, though:  this - this - kind of television drama is so goddamned transcendent, I am just in its fucking thrall.  Can't believe the season closer is around the corner already.

Game of Thrones - Season 2 (HBO)

I'm the least likely person in my world to like a swords-and-sandals-type show but Game of Thrones is the fucking shiz.

Get the Gringo (2012, Adrian Grunberg / Mel Gibson, Grunberg, Stacy Perskie)

What a gleeful little romp.

What nice Lethal Weapon flutters it gave me.

Mr Gibson may be a racist pig fuck out in the world, but in the fantasy land of cinema, he's still got some bad ass in him.

Don't think I'll be watching The Beaver any time soon.

Red Tails (2012, Anthony Hemingway / John Ridley and Aaron McGruder)

Dear Mr Lucas

Please stop making films.

All the best,


Tor

NYC-22 S01E01 (CBS, 2012)

Best described by Stark Sands' character mid-ep:  This is going down.

The Killing - Season 2

I was tempted for a few seconds until I saw that the killer will be revealed at the end of the second season.

Twentysix fucking eps to closure.

What's that saying: Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice....

Missing S01E01 (ABC, 2012)

I've never been an Ashley Judd fan. There's Julia Roberts tits-and-teeth-from-another-planet, and there's Sandra Bullock girl-next-door, and then there's Judd. Spunky, I suppose is the word. I've liked her work: ... all I can remember is Heat. Oh there were those movies with Morgan Freeman. Okay: the one movie with Freeman. All of which has shit to do with Missing, a low brow approach to girl-power as lion-mother-in-search-of-offspring kind of action-thriller-espionage-adventure that was brought low by its dum as nuts execution. I got twelve minutes into it. Where's Cliff? I cried to the hills. I'm only really watching this shit for Cliff Curtis! There was no answer from the hills. After the thirteenth minute, I cried uncle.

Awake S01E01-02 (NBC, 2012)

I used to get Jason Isaacs mixed up with Timothy Dalton heaps back in the day. Smartypants out there might point out that it was Isaacs who did a lot of villain roles before transitioning to goodie-goods, while it was the reverse for Dalton. Whatever.

All of which has very little to do with Awake, a tidy police procedural that tries to meld the cool stuff from Memento and Matrix (without the sci fi garble), all in a post-Life on Mars (UK) zeitgeisty capture-lightning-in-a-bottle (and hope you don't fry) kind of way. Unfortunately, the show fails terribly - not miserably, just terribly - through adhering to a mystery-of-the-week ethos that constrains suffocates the dreams and possibilities of the show into a 45-minute slog of bullshit TV-cop-show blah, admirably accurate TV psychology talk, and too-fucking-convenient-to-fucking-swallow detective work.

Maybe it's just my anti-Americanism, but the celebration of consequence-free I-want-my-cake-and-eat-it-too just sticks in my craw.

Love your work, Jas' - let's have some more of that Case Histories soon, eh?

Hung - Season 3 (HBO, 2009-)

I bought this -, no:  there was a 'buy two DVDs and get the third one FREE' deal at JB Hifi late last year, and maybe someone had recommended it, or maybe I'd read a good write-up, or maybe I was using The Force, but I got the first season of this sight unseen, and boy was it a refreshing poke in the eye.

The second season continued its journey of a Well-Hung Hero Who Was Yet to Grow Up - but by the last quarter of that season, the interactions between his Pimp-of-Frustratingly-Inconsistent-Behaviour and her nemesis, A-Most-Convenient-Cunt, were getting a bit, well, stupid.

The third season is/was... a write-off.  Where's the character-driven plot that made me uncross my legs in the first place?  Where's the character-motivated humour that made me choke on my food?

Now it's all slapstick and dick jokes.

What the fuck, people?

Maybe you peaked early.

Kidnap & Ransom - Season 2

Well serve me fucking right for watching this through to the end.

What's the best thing I could say about this turd?  It did not disappoint.

Justified S03E01-07

Ooohh-eee, this puppy's just like The Shield in it's ass-kickin', shit-, piss- and asshole-laden days.

Oooohheee!

WTF?

Hey what happened to the anonymity of torrentshill.blogspot.com?

I could've been anywhere.

But now THEY KNOW WHERE I RESIDE.

Sheeeit.

Mad Dogs S02E01 (Sky1, 2012)

Ah, the boys are back.

But things haven't progressed really.  They've survived one thing but writer Cris Cole can see all sorts of potential in having them continue to make the stupidest of mistakes under the guise of they're just ordinary blokes, like.  And we're only ten minutes in.  Except it felt twice, no, four times as long as the plot ground along.

In my experience, ordinary blokes tend to learn shit.  They tend to think a bit more.

And - Jesus H Fucking Christ - it's been renewed for a third motherfucking season.

Kidnap & Ransom S02E01 (ITV, 2012)

If one ever needed proof that mediocrity is no barrier to television longevity*, look no further than this vanity vehicle.

Season One was a hamfisted concoction of cliches which I thought I'd seen the last of at the end of its season finale.  No such luck.

This season opener, with Trevor Eve looking ever so dashing and smart and fit and Tom Cruise-like behind his sunglasses, didn't disappoint those who wanted more of the shit-sandwich that they loved so much in the first season.

And I'm only fifteen minutes in.

I may do an update at some point, if I can be bothered to finish this ep.

*  Longevity is relative, of course:  a show that gets into a second season is, in my books, at near-veteran status.

Homeland S01 - Debrief

Sooo... he mighta been, but he wasn't, then he was.

All the while, our Heroine becomes less and less palatable.

And in the end, an old walnut holds true: The Black Guy always dies.

Homeland S01E06

This shit is good.

Heroine's a bitch - but no more or less than a male hero equivalent who
pisses and shits all over his family, friends and work JUST TO MAKE HIS
FUCKING CASE.

Alcatraz S01E02

I know: if the pilot was so underwhelming, why go back like a dog to
its puke?

Because -

Oh fuck it: I was weak, okay?

And how else would I learn this: a female cop with a hard-on is neither
sexy nor fun to watch.

Unless that's your thing.

Alcatraz S01E01 (Fox, 2012)

Hey this is just like "Fringe": blonde cop, quirky sidekick, mystery
boss, enigma within a mystery within a ... zzzzz.

Only hung in for the full pilot because I'm a Sam Neill fan.

Drive (Nicholas Winding Refn/Hossein Amini, 2011)

Fucking AWESOME.

Sherlock S02E01

Not bad.

A bit of a shaggy dog, plot wise.

Otherwise, not bad.

Midnight in Paris (Woody Allen, 2011)

I don't often fall asleep during films but with this one I did.

Could it be the lack of chemistry between... everyone?

Could it... zzzzz

The Closer S07E11

"Oh look, The Closer's back from hiatus."

"I'd rather douse my genitals in a flammable liquid and set it alight with a road flare."

"Jesus, I was just saying -"

"'M jus' sayin', too, yo."

Killer Elite (Gary McKendry/Matt Sherring, 2011)

ME: What the FUCK is De Niro doing in [this] pulpy '80s throwback?

SMS-A-FRIEND: He's doing everything and anything. Can't remember the last good film he did.

ME: Why Bobby WHHHYYYYY?

Daredevil - Director's Cut (Mark Steven Johnston, 2003)

I first watched this wretched film at the theatres and FUCK was I
disappointed.

I had expected a flying brick, and I got a flying brick, albeit clad in
red leather.

I had heard rumours that the director's cut, a more mature creature than
the theatrical release, was more than forgivable.

So when it popped up on my feeds, I gave it a whirl.

Aaannd it's still a wretched, wretched, WRETCHED little turd of a film.

Yet writer-director Johnston somehow, inexplicably, got the "Preacher"
gig after this, Jesus H Christ on a fucking stick.

At least Ben got Jennifer out of it.

Downton Abbey S02

Ach that was fun.

But I can't help but wonder: does familiarity breed a suspicion of soap opera melodramatics?

Just saying.

Hidden S01E04

If "The Shadow Line" collapsed under the weight of its style, sheen and
operatic melodrama, "The Hidden" does the same, only with overfamiliar
devices, dialogue and plotting.

Shame on the writers for writing such piffle.

Shame on the director and producers for not demanding more from their
writers.

And my sympathy for actors - generally not my favourite homo sapiens -
for having to spout such rubbish.