Robbery Homicide Division (CBS, 2002-2003)

This Michael Mann-produced one season wonder was difficult to track down online.

It's very post Heat, and has a lot of embryonic visual cues and directorial flourishes that made the Miami Vice film stupefyingly boring.  Watching lead Tom Sizemore - surely unintentionally - channeling Al Pacino from Heat is.... interesting.

It's a period piece:  that's what this show is.  This show was as good as it got until The Wire, The Shield and The Closer showed that how much further the procedural show genre's boundaries could be pushed.

It's... quaint.

Blackout (S01E01, BBC, 2012)

Disclosure:  I used to have the hots for Dervla Kirwan.  Then she got old.

Disclosure:  I've never had the hots for Christopher Eccleston.  Then he did Doctor Who.

I got fifteen minutes into this and then I glanced at my watch, thinking that was the slowest, flashiest, most repetitive thirty minutes of television I'd seen in some time.  Then I saw only FIFTEEN MINUTES had elapsed.

Good actors.  I'm sure there's a good script somewhere in there.  But it felt like the director had mainlined some Tony Scott / Ridley Scott serum and just ejaculated all over the fucking editing suite.

I might have to try this again - I might have to have some brewskis beforehand - if only for Dervla and Christopher.

Prometheus (2012, Ridley Scott / John Spaiht & Damon Lindelof)

Was busting to see this.

Then I saw it.

To paraphrase a certain Warrant Officer, Did IQs drop sharply since the last instalment?

Line of Duty S01E05

What the fuck just happened?

I mean, seriously:  what.  the.  fuck?

Our anti-hero has to go on the run, and tries to convince his wife that it's not safe - they're after him, they're after what he holds dear.

Dude:  when shit is bucketing down on you, and yo' ho ain't listening, shut her the fuck up and get her the fuck outta Dodge unless you want the fucking Tooth Fairy to pay yo' family a one-night-only visit, knowhumfuckinsayin?

All this in the first fucking ten minutes.

This bollocks has been renewed for a second season.

Line of Duty S01E01-04 (BBC, 2012)

What's not to like?

Bodies creator Mercurio, Jericho star James, and Sweet Sixteen breakthrough Compston.

The opening ep was okay.  The second ep made things interesting with an electrifying ending.  The third ep lapsed back into opening ep territory.

And now with the fourth ep... I'm typing this as I 'watch' it.

Boring.  Don't need to watch it when I can listen to it.

Disappointing.  Hope it doesn't go the way of the awfulawfulawful Shadow Line.

Hope is a terrible thing.

Breaking Bad - Season 5

Mr White is back.

Thank you, Jesus.

Longmire S01E01-06 (A&E, 2012)

With Justified between seasons and Deadwood still unwatched on a harddrive somewhere, Longmire looked to be a, well, a long shot. The show's pedigree was promising - The Closer writer-producers Baldwin and Coveny, the lamented Smith and unmissed ER director Chulack did the pilot and set the tone, and Battlestar Galactica alumnus Sackhoff looked to be intriguing. And y'know what? It's not half-bad.

Matter of fact, it's a challenge deciding what to watch on a New Zealand Monday evening: this, The Newsroom, Hit & Miss....

Recommended.

Golden (TV3, 2012)

Fat arse has-been Olympic athlete goes for gold.

This is about as subtle - and stupid - as the heroine of Jacqui Brown Diaries adopting a retard. My tax dollars at work. FUCK.

Hounds (TV3, 2012)

New Zealand television comedy is, by and large, shit.

Don't believe me?  YOU try fucking watching some.

But every now and then, there's a show that's dumped at ten or eleven on a weekday night that stands out from the rest.  That isn't just a mere mushroom poking out from a steaming pile of shit.  That doesn't make you want to throw something at your flatscreen.

 
Hounds is it.

Of course it's not perfect.  But a). it treats the audience with some intelligence, b). it's not cringemakingly shit, and c). it's actually fucking funny.

This post is five weeks late - the season finale is this coming Friday - but GODDAMMIT I want more already.

The Newsroom - S01E01 (HBO)

Ah, Mr Sorkin.  Welcome back.

I've missed you.

Lockout (2012, James Mather & Stephen St Leger / St Leger, Mather & Luc Besson)

Awesome stuff.

Strictly B-grade and fuckin' proud of it.

Guy Pearce is GOD.

Watch it.

Harry (TV3, 2012)

Harry's a new cop show on the block.

Another fucking cop show.

I feel the stirrings of a drinking game:  a skull for every time there's - a poo or wee joke, or Neill gives the fingers, or Kightley grinning like a fucking monkey.

Better fucking be good.

Modern Family - Season 2

None of you bastards have asked why I've relegated Modern Family to the second tier "Oh I'll suppose I'll try another season" category.

It's because the second season was patchy, contrived and slow, whereas its maiden season was propulsive comedy viewing, character driven drama and snappy.

Happy now, bitches?

Mad Men S05E13

Ain't shit I can say that this guy ain't said better.

The Samaritan (2012, David Weaver / Weaver & Elan Mastai)

I was going to say I'd watch anything that had Samuel L Motherfucking Jackson in it until I remembered I haven't seen Black Snake Moan yet.  Or Snakes on a Plane.  To be honest, neither of them really pique me.  Well, Christina Ricci in Moan kind of does something for me.

Moving on.

Propelled by an approving Roger Ebert review, I got this one and was... mildly entertained.  Feels a lot like a first-time director with it's expository dialogue and not-quite-lingering-but-more-padding shots - but director Weaver's been doing it since 1993.

It was nice to see Jackson underplaying a character with none of his eye-balling and shouting.  Don't care for the location or for the other actors.  Tom Wilkinson's presence feels a lot like an Alec Guiness cameo in Mute Witness.  It's reasonably tight and entertaining.

Recommended for noir fans.

Mad Men S05E12

No no no NO NOOOO.

Now is not a good time to do a clean-up of characters, Mr Weiner.  Matter of fact, after the heartbreak of Sal's departure, I forbid you.

... Seriously, though:  this - this - kind of television drama is so goddamned transcendent, I am just in its fucking thrall.  Can't believe the season closer is around the corner already.

Game of Thrones - Season 2 (HBO)

I'm the least likely person in my world to like a swords-and-sandals-type show but Game of Thrones is the fucking shiz.

Get the Gringo (2012, Adrian Grunberg / Mel Gibson, Grunberg, Stacy Perskie)

What a gleeful little romp.

What nice Lethal Weapon flutters it gave me.

Mr Gibson may be a racist pig fuck out in the world, but in the fantasy land of cinema, he's still got some bad ass in him.

Don't think I'll be watching The Beaver any time soon.

Red Tails (2012, Anthony Hemingway / John Ridley and Aaron McGruder)

Dear Mr Lucas

Please stop making films.

All the best,


Tor

NYC-22 S01E01 (CBS, 2012)

Best described by Stark Sands' character mid-ep:  This is going down.